Blurb：
When new zookeeper Lily joins “A Hundred Ways to Kill a Human” group chat, she discovers Pedro the Parrot, George the Gorilla, Thor the Tiger and Tucker the Elephant aren’t discussing holiday decorations – they’re planning a Christmas massacre where humans are the main course. As animal cruelty fuels their hatred, Lily realizes the zoo’s peaceful facade hides a terrifying conspiracy. With Ellie the Elephant, Chuck the Seal and Kingsley the Monkey joining the revolt, she must survive their deadly game while uncovering why these intelligent creatures want humanity extinct. Can she stop the Christmas uprising before becoming Thor the Tiger’s trophy head?
Content：
After I started working at the zoo, I was added to a group chat called A Hundred Ways to Kill a Human. Every member had an animal as their profile picture. At first, I thought it was some quirky staff group. I even found it kind of cute.
That was, until I realized they were discussing how to eat me.
Pedro the Parrot: [The new human has beautiful eyes. I cant wait till Christmas. I want to peck them out right now!]
George the Gorilla: [Relax. Therell be many visitors during Christmas. Well have more eyeballs than we can eat! Also, Im calling dibs on her thigh.]
Thor the Tiger: [Nobodys taking her head, right? Thats mine.]
Tucker the Elephant: [Im a vegetarian, but I can crush her bones to dust.]
Chapter 1
After I started working at the zoo, I was added to a group chat called A Hundred Ways to Kill a Human. Every member had an animal as their profile picture. At first, I thought it was some quirky staff group. I even found it kind of cute.
That was, until I realized they were discussing how to eat me.
Pedro the Parrot: [The new human has beautiful eyes. I cant wait till Christmas. I want to peck them out right now!]
George the Gorilla: [Relax. Therell be many visitors during Christmas. Well have more eyeballs than we can eat! Also, Im calling dibs on her thigh.]
Thor the Tiger: [Nobodys taking her head, right? Thats mine.]
Tucker the Elephant: [Im a vegetarian, but I can crush her bones to dust.]
My fingers trembled. Slowly, I lifted my gaze toward the elephant enclosurethe area I was assigned to.
An elderly elephant was staring straight at me. Its eyes were dull and cold, filled with fatigue and resentment. Its massive body was covered in cracked, dry mud. Flies swarmed around it, and it looked like it hadnt bathed in ages.
We locked eyes, and a chill ran down my spine. What on earth was that group chat?
When I looked down again, the chat had gone silent.
Hey, newbie! Get to work! my coworker snapped.
He walked into the enclosure with visible disgust, grabbed the hose, and sprayed the elephants roughly. They backed away, clearly unwilling to let him near.
You useless beasts, he cursed. Im so sick of taking care of you. Get over here!
The elephants didnt move, so he threw the hose on the ground. Fine, stay filthy! See if I care.
He stepped out of the enclosure and turned to me. Im done here. Dont forget to prep their feed later, but dont bother too much either. They barely eat anyway. What a waste of money.
Then, he left.
Every elephant glared at him as he walked away, especially the old one, its cloudy eyes full of rage.
My phone buzzed again.
Tucker the Elephant: [When Christmas comes, Ill be the first to crush Hose Guy. Then, Ill crush all the humans.]
Ellie the Elephant: [Let me stomp on them too, Dad!]
Chuck the Seal: [Christmas means lots of humans! If we riot at that time, we can kill so many of them!]
Kingsley the Monkey: [Hose Guy deserves to die. The new girl probably sucks, too. Ill throw a rock at her head to see how she likes it!]
I blinked in shock and instinctively looked around. Suddenly, with a whoosh, a rock the size of an egg flew past my ear, missing by inches. My knees almost gave out.
On the monkey hill not far away, a monkey was standing upright, baring its teeth at me. The moment it saw me look, it scratched its chest and grinned, pretending innocence.
I swallowed hard. I was sure of it now that the group chat was full of animals.
I stood frozen, completely stunned. Those animals Did they hate humans that much? And they were planning a revolt on Christmas?
After hesitating for a while, I finally stepped into the elephant enclosure and began my work. All the elephants watched me with blank, emotionless eyes.
As I moved, I tried to focus on cleaning while my mind spun with questions.
The place was in terrible shape. The enclosuresboth inside and outwere piled with dung, and the stench was overwhelming. The artificial stream and pool, once built for the elephants to play in, were now black and stagnant. The faucet on the fake rock wall hadnt produced a drop of water in ages.
Even animals cared about cleanliness, especially intelligent ones like elephants. I couldnt imagine how miserable they must have been, living in conditions like this.
Chapter 2
I scrubbed and shoveled hard, hauling mound after mound of dung out of the enclosure and scouring the food troughs that hadnt been cleaned in days. By noon, Id only finished about seventy percent of the job, but the elephant enclosure already looked worlds better.
I didnt stop there. I ran to prepare their feed next, only to find the supplies painfully sparse. There were mostly palm fronds and some dry, brittle hay. There werent even vegetables, let alone fruit.
Is this all the elephants eat? I asked the woman working next to me. The zoo isnt short on funds, right?
I wouldnt know. I feed the capybaras. Their foods worse, she said hurriedly before rushing off.
I pressed my lips together and grabbed as many bundles of hay and leaves as I could carry back to the elephants. When I returned, the group chat chimed.
Ellie the Elephant: [She worked so hard cleaning that I thought she might be a good human. But as it turns out, shes just like the others, feeding us dry hay!]
Benny the Elephant: [Im so hungry. I want papaya. Its been ages since I had papaya. Boohoo]
North the Polar Bear: [Stop crying. I ate rotten fish today. At least a pile of hay wouldve been better.]
I hesitated for a second, then dumped the feed into the enclosure. The elephants shuffled over, eating with hollow, weary looks. There was only grief and resentment in their eyes. The old elephant didnt come near. Instead, it lay down and stared blankly outside the enclosure as if lost in thought.
While they ate, I bolted to my car, drove to the nearest supermarket, and cleared out the produce section. Mangosteens, apples, bananas, papayas, cabbageI bought as much as I could and had the store deliver the rest to the zoo.
Before long, the feed room was piled high with fresh produce. My coworkers stared in disbelief, but I ignored them, hauled three full baskets of fruit and vegetables, and took them to the elephant enclosure.
When the fresh produce hit the floor, the elephants froze. They had been chewing on dry, tasteless hay and sour leaves. They clearly hadnt expected anything like this.
Eat! Theres plenty, I urged, tossing a mangosteen toward the old elephant.
It didnt react at first. As the fruit hit the ground and cracked open, white flesh spilling like jelly and smelling sweet, the old elephant stared at it. Then, it slowly curled its trunk around the mangosteen and examined it as if it couldnt believe such a thing existed. Finally, it looked at me.
Go on. Try it. Its sweet, I encouraged.
Its mouth watered, and in a blur, it scooped the whole mangosteen into its mouth. For the first time, I saw contentment and something like gratitude on an animals face. The others went wild, devouring the produce like theyd been starved for years. I ran back and forth three more times with baskets until the chaos subsided.
Meanwhile, the chat exploded.
Ellie the Elephant: [Dad, I got an apple! Its so sweet. Im tearing up!]
Benny the Elephant: [Wow, cabbage and papaya. Theyre my favorite!]
Pedro the Parrot: [Whats all this yapping? I got slapped by a zookeeper again today. Its been fifty-six days since I wanted to peck that humans eyes out!]
Thor the Tiger: [Stupid elephants. Remember, every bit of human kindness hides a hunters rifle.]
Chapter 3
Kingsley the Monkey: [Hey, what occasion are you guys celebrating? Toss a banana over here!]
I read the message and looked up at the monkey hill. Kingsley the Monkey and a big gang of monkeys were scratching their ears and chattering, all of them staring at the elephant enclosure. Many monkeys stretched out their hands, hoping an elephant would fling a banana their way, but the elephants ignored them and kept eating.
I grabbed a banana and hurled it toward the hill. Kingsley the Monkey leaped up and snatched it midair, already chewing before his feet hit the ground. He looked like he hadnt eaten in days.
The monkey troop howled and squealed, begging me for more bananas. My hands were only so fast, so I tossed as many as I could. The whole hill rattled with noise like a little festival, and with the commotion from the elephant enclosure, that corner of the zoo suddenly felt alive.
Animals from nearby enclosures crowded to watch, and they filled the air with a nonstop chorus of chirps, squawks, and bleats. Luckily, the zoo was quiet today, with almost no visitors. Otherwise, anyone passing by would have been terrified.
The truth was, Sunnyside Zoo had been quiet for years, and the main reason was the stench. It smelled really bad. The whole place reeked of animal waste, and on top of that, many of the animals looked listless or openly hostile. No wonder people stopped coming.
In fact, only the holiday season drew a trickle of visitors. However, if the animals rioted on Christmas, that would be a disaster. Visitors would be at huge risk, and the animals would likely be shot.
I checked the calendar at that moment, realizing it was seven days until Christmas.
While I worried, conversation filled the group chat.
Ellie the Elephant: [That was delicious! I finally had a proper meal. Shes a good human!]
Kingsley the Monkey: [I agree. The way she tossed that banana is burned into my memory. My butts tingling!]
Wendy the Capybara: [Hey, guys. Last week, I found a rotten orange that was tasty, but it just crossed my mind to share the joy today.]
Thor the Tiger: [Interesting. That human really knows how to win beasts over. When I go out, Ill be the first to kill her!]
Wait. Tiger, are you serious? That wasnt right.
Then, a different voice spoke up in the chat, a voice I didnt expect.
Benny the Elephant: [Thor the Tiger, that human is truly kind. Dont hurt her.]
Thor the Tiger: [Kid, youll learn when youre my age that human kindness often hides a loaded gun.]
Wendy the Capybara: [All these messages are making me sleepy. Im going to take a nap.]
Kingsley the Monkey: [I think we should keep observing. Thor the Tiger, dont be impulsive.]
Thor the Tiger: [Hmph.]
It was like a tigers roar echoed through the group, and the chat went quiet.
I shook my head and kept working. Normally, we could take a lunch break, but there was too much to do in the elephant enclosure. The urgent task was to restore running water. Without it, bacteria would breed, and the elephants would fall ill.
I spent two hours tracking down the person in charge and slipped him two hundred dollars. Finally, he opened the water valve for the elephant enclosure. From the fake-rock cave, a clear stream began to rush, water from the tap gushed down the rocks into the creek, and the flow swept toward the pool. In a few hours, the dirty water would drain away, and the elephants lives would be a little better.
The enclosure erupted. Excited calves raised their trunks and trumpeted, while bold elephants jumped into the stream without hesitation, splashing even though the water was cold.
On the monkey hill, Kingsley the Monkey craned his neck and shouted, Oh-ho! Oh-ho!
Chapter 4
I didnt understand what it was saying, so I opened the group chat again to check.
Kingsley the Monkey: [Oh-ho! Oh-ho]
The Egrets Shared Account: [Whats that silly monkey going on about? He almost made us fall when we passed by!]
Kingsley the Monkey: [Im sorry. I got too excited. Im saying the human gave the elephant enclosure water!]
George the Gorilla: [I heard it too. It sounds so familiar. That human really is a good human.]
Animals kept popping into the chat, arguing and commenting. I even saw a panda send a GIF with its paws together, like it was thanking someone. For some reason, my chest felt warm, and a small smile tugged at my lips.
Then, the tiger showed up again.
Thor the Tiger: [How naive! Food and water are ours by right. Those humans dangle a little treat and expect us to forget everything? If she dares show herself, Ill rip her apart!]
The chat went quiet for a long moment.
After a while, Kingsley the Monkey asked, [What if she gives you your favoritea big drumstick?]
Thor the Tiger: [Hmph! I wouldnt eat it. Id rather starve, bash my head on the cage, and die than take a bite of her food!]
With that, I set off for the supermarket again. This time, I focused on meat, packing top-quality cuts of chicken, duck, goose, pork, beef, and lamb into bag after bag. Lucky for me, I had a little money saved. Otherwise, this kind of spending wouldve been brutal.
By the time I got back to the zoo, it was already afternoon. The animals had had their lunches, but nearly none of them were full, especially the big carnivores like the tiger.
I carried two huge bags of meat over to the tiger enclosure, which was basically a massive iron cage with a grimy metal shed. Because the shed was so cold, the tiger usually lounged in the outer pen to soak up whatever sun there was.
As expected, the tiger lay in the outer pen, head down, chewing at a pile of scabby offal that flies swarmed around. It kept gagging between bites. Its thin chest rose and fell, rib outlines visible beneath the fur. It was so skinny. Even though it was tall, there was almost no fat or muscle, making it look fragile.
This was Thor the Tiger? Hed be the one to get taken down by a single hit.
The group chat pinged again.
Africana the Lion: [Thor the Tiger, why are you gagging? I was sleeping next door. Can you keep it down?]
Leo the Leopard: [I heard it too. Thor, dont eat it. You might as well eat excrement at this point.]
Callum the Coyote: [You dont get it. Thor needs to force the cage open. If he doesnt eat, he wont have the strength.]
A chorus of sighs filled the chat.
Thor the Tiger ignored them and kept eating with his head down. However, after a while, the smell must have gotten to him because he rose to drink.
The moment he stood, he noticed me. I was carrying the two bags of meat and staring at him when our eyes met. He narrowed his lids, nostrils flaring. Then, he fixed his gaze on the bags in my hands.
I pulled out a steak and tossed it inside the enclosure. They were fresh and still streaked with blood. The bone and flesh were fused together like it had just been carved off an animal.
Thor the Tiger froze. He let out a low growl and stalked around the steak twice. After that, his mouth was full of saliva. His thin body trembled, and his eyes reddened.
A hungry beast was finally going to have a proper piece of meat. However, he didnt lunge. He held himself back.
Chapter 5
Thor the Tiger: [Somethings off. A female human just gave me a huge slab of meat. Its definitely poisoned!]
His message dropped in the chat, and the whole group went wild. Some doubted it, while others thought the zoo was finally showing some mercy.
Predators from nearby enclosures all turned their attention toward his cage. The lion from the next habitat even jumped onto the partition wall, craning his neck to peek over.
Africana the Lion: [A whole slab of meat? Save me some!]
Leopards, hyenas, and other carnivores began growling with excitement, eager for a bite. However, Thor the Tiger didnt respond. His paws were already pressing down on that juicy steak, his self-control wearing thin.
Just then, a congregation of white egrets flew overhead. Within seconds, new intel appeared in the chat.
The Egrets Shared Account: [Its that human from the elephant enclosure! She brought Thor the Tiger meat!]
When the news got out, Thor the Tiger froze. He lifted his head and, with a hateful look at me, slapped the steak away.
Africana the Lion: [Geez, dont waste it! You threw it right into the stale water!]
The lions furious roar echoed across the fence as he tumbled down in frustration.
Thor the Tiger simply ignored him. His fangs glinted as he growled low, each step heavy as he stalked toward me. He was thin, but his limbs were long, his back straight, and his presence menacing.
Still, I didnt panic. Instead, I reached into the bag Id brought and pulled out his favorite bag of chicken drumsticks. When I tossed one inside, Thor the Tiger paused. His throat rumbled as drool began to spill from his jaws.
Above us, the egrets fluttered anxiously, feeding updates to the group chat.
The Egrets Shared Account: [Oh my, she really loves the Thor the Tiger! She brought him chicken drumsticks! But Thor the Tigers resisting! He looks furious! He might eat her instead!]
The chat erupted. Even the elephants chimed in, clearly nervous.
Ellie the Elephant: [Thor the Tiger, dont eat her! Shes a good human!]
Benny the Elephant: [Yeah! She gave us tons of sweet fruit! We call her Miss Fruit now!]
Kingsley the Monkey: [Thor the Tiger, do me a favor and hold off. Dont hurt Miss Fruit yet.]
Thor the Tiger: [Quiet!]
His roar was deafening, shaking the entire zoo. Every animal fell silent instantly. Even the egrets dove into the trees, hiding behind the leaves.
I didnt waste another second. I dumped the whole bag of chicken drumsticks into his cage and flashed him my most confident smile.
Hey there, I said brightly. Youre the most beautiful tiger Ive ever seen. Your eyes look like stars in the night sky. These chicken drumsticks are my gift to you. Ive got a mountain up north. Come with me, and youll be king there.
I laid it on thickfull-on flattery modebut Thor the Tiger blinked, clearly confused. That was when it struck me that he, an animal, couldnt understand human language.
Luckily, Pedro the Parrot came to my rescue. It perched right on top of the tigers cage, wings puffed up as it typed rapidly into the group chat.
Pedro the Parrot: [Thor the Tiger, she said youre the most beautiful tiger shes ever seen. Your eyes look like stars in the night sky.]
The translation touched the animals.
Daisy the Duck: [Thats so romantic! I want to divorce my husband and marry Miss Fruit instead!]
Javier the Crane: [Suddenly, being widowed doesnt seem that bad. I feel like I believe in love again.]
Kingsley the Monkey: [Why does my butt feel hot again? And red?]
Thor the Tiger said nothing. He only stared at me coldly.
Download the GoodNovel app, Search 【 460745 】reads the whole book.
